Often when we whisper a dream of what we want to do with our time here, a bully shows up inside.
You know the type; they are the ones who remind us of “responsibilities” or it’s converse, “being unrealistic” which is just another way of “being irresponsible”
Or that bully reminds us that we don’t have as much talent as our third cousin removed, or our neighbor or perhaps even our cat. And certainly, if that doesn’t dim the momentary shine of our soul when feeling the forward movement of wanting that dream, we are reminded that we don’t really have the right to be so, well, deserving of such fun – life is serious, no?
Call these roadblocks. And the social “norm” is that we weather the challenge or we weary of them, and thus the dream “was not for you after all, weakling,” that bully inside sneers.
I say meet challenge for challenge.
If the bully inside or outside of you says, “You have responsibilities . . . you are being unrealistic. . . .”
This is a two-part sandbag, knock to the knees of your taking a step on the path. We need to take each of these on one at a time.
First “you have responsibilities.” Challenge it: Yes, I have responsibilities, thank you.. And I am taking action to meet them. I am responsible for who I am and what I am responsible for is my circumstance right now.
By taking responsibility for where you are — no matter where you are— you open a door to actions you can immediately take to meet your circumstance. You’ve just dismantled the lock, the door, and the bully leaning against the door keeping you from your dream.
You can take responsibility for your situation and simultaneously take action to meet the responsibilities of your circumstance. Either way you look at it, it’s in your hands, and in your control to take the actions, now! It may be as important and as forward as simply “deciding” to take actions to meet those responsibilities.
What needs to happen to meet your responsibilities? Bit by bit, step by step.
Do the first one. And make sure what needs to happen is in your hands, not relying or waiting on someone else’s actions.
This can be the first muddy spot in the road, and we’ll look at it again, so if in doubt, just take one small action now that improves your circumstance or meets your responsibilities. One small thing, followed by one more small thing and feel the energy of captivity to circumstance flush.
If it’s stubborn, then we need to work with the “belief” that this circumstance is deserved in some way, and we need to see what dark shadow your bully is reminding you of:
What do you get from believing that you have no action you can take to improve your circumstance?
For most it’s a belief about love, being loved, and being cared for that peeks out – a feeling from a very long time ago.
Or perhaps the belief is that the solution requires a sacrifice too dear – these self-limiting places are all beliefs protecting you in some way. And knowing that, we can take actions that honor the need to avoid the sacrifice of some soul – either yours or those you love.
Then the question is really about a judgment of being “unrealistic” from your bully’s point of view.
Challenge that POV again: Under what conditions would what I dream to be and do be realistic? What do I need to believe or what actions do I need to take to make it realistic or achievable?
Quickly this comes again to your own beliefs, embedded like a viral video in your soul.
Do you believe what you dream is unrealistic?
What do you get from believing that?
Peel it away like an onion, layer by layer, asking what you get from that belief – it’s all there to protect you somehow.
“What do I get from believing my dream job/life/use of my talents is not going to be realistic – a code word for “successful”?”
“I get a reason to not try . . .
And what do you get from not trying?
“I get an excuse as to why what ever “it” is, is not working.
And what do you get from your excuse?
I get self-protection, as if I tried and it didn’t work — i.e. didn’t meet my definition of success — I would prove myself to be a failure at my dream . . . So I’m keeping myself protected from proving that I believe my dream won’t work.
And what do you get from believing your dream won’t be successful?
You are really saying you fear your dream will be a failure, and you with it.
Or put another way, you get protection from this judgment of failure –
Funny thing is all negative beliefs try to offer our small selves protection:
Protection from finding out you FEAR you can’t make your dream in reality
look like it does in your head. . .
There – it’s really self-doubt —
masquerading as that bully who is deriding your dream as —codeword— unrealistic.
But unmasked, self-doubt is indeed something you and I and we can work with, and more importantly, work to make reality look like your vision, by asking a simple question.
“Under what conditions would I be able to make my dream in reality look like it does in my head? What steps do I take to make it so?”
Voila, the steps you can take pour out in front as a path:
Well, I could take more time on its execution so the results look a tad better;
I could research how others achieved something similar and try to learn from their models;
I could improve my skill, get feedback, undertake a course or a coach to give me feedback and improve my performance . . .
I could do all this and keep working at it.
And little by little my skill will improve and grow, if I work hard, work honestly, and work with faith that I can do this.
And now, what else could you believe that would help you make your dream real?
Pursuing this path of what else you could believe soon becomes:
I could believe that if I dream it, I can work at doing it — and do the work of doing it well.
Challenges: Are you being or dreaming something that is called Unrealistic by inner bullies or outer loved ones?
Challenge it: Under what conditions would this dream be realistic? What steps can I take to make it realistic? What steps can I take to make it happen . . .
Can I do that?
Usually the answer is a resounding YES.
So go! Now is a great time to dream it and to do it. Step by step.